My Chemical Toilet’s Worst 15 Christmas Songs: Number 1 – Cliff Richard: “The Millennium Prayer”

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cliff.gifCliff, who funnily enough also featured in the song which began this countdown, didn’t actually make it to the Christmas number one spot with this beast – he was beaten to it by Westlife. But no matter, he made it the next week, and that means – to me at least – that it qualifies as a Christmas song. Which means I am allowed to bestow upon it the title of WORST PIECE OF SHIT CHRISTMAS NONSENSE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF SEASONAL RUBBISH POO.
Of course, Cliff has much form in the Christmas song field. But, as nauseating as they were, at least the likes of “Mistletoe and Wine” and “Saviour’s Day” were original compositions which brought to mind mince pies and bad jumpers, which is what Christmas means to most folk.
Basically just the Lord’s Prayer set to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”, “Millennium Prayer” was weird in that it had possibly the cheapest, naffest video ever to hit number one. In case you were in any doubt that the song is about love and peace and all that, the video features WAR and FAMINE and DISASTER, because… Um, why is that, anyway?

If compiling this Christmas countdown of ear-pain has taught me anything, it’s that the worse a song is, the better the YouTube comments it receives. You get pretty much the full gamut of human emotion, from deep love for the song in question to the most vicious, random hatred you can imagine. It is immensely entertaining. I share them with you here. Merry Christmas.
“Good Lord, the lengths old scrotum face will go to for a Christmas No 1… Stealing God’s lyrics, shame on you!”
“i just like the tune and singing along to it, i dont think to deep bout songs meanings lol”
“WHAT a GREAT song.. it makes us think how BIG our GOD really is…”
“What a load of bollocks =\ wtf does ‘Amen’ mean? im glad i dont have a religeon.”
“First time I heard this song I was working late on millenium eve…everybody was going paranoia about the Y2K bug…and possible chaos ,etc…i just simply laughed at all fools who don’t understand that God is the God of the poor, not the rich, the rich simply eat the blessings of the poor man’s faith table…it is their (the poor) prayer that He hears…thus OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN HALLOWED (SANCTIFIED) BE THY NAME !!”
“jokes! it really does sound like masterchef!”
“I love the use of the bassoon on 2:52,simply wonderfulness”
“He’s the ballbag of pop!”
“This song really makes me weep from my eyes.”

[video provided by sarpong]

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  1. Colin says:

    This was a number one BEFORE Westlife had the Christmas chart topper, not after.

    I agree with you though that it’s crap.

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