Sonic Stereotypes – 'At every gig' man (rucksack optional)

Sonic Stereotypes

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rucksack.jpgWhilst DJing at a gig this weekend, I became aware of a Sonic Stereotype that I’d not encountered for a while. Whilst waiting to DJ (get me), I was constantly impeded by a man with a rucksack. The man with the rucksack knew every single person in the venue but no-one seemed to like him.
He talked almost constantly. He hugged people who clearly weren’t up for being hugged. His rucksack swung around into people and he exhibited the funk. When I say ‘funk’, I mean the smell, not the soul. This was clearly one of those people who is in a constant state of going to gigs. He obsesses over bands. He likes to be seen at the live performance. He recognises many faces thanks to the sheer volume of gigs attended. He is insanely irritating to everyone he meets.

The rucksack is a usual thing to find on the back of a Gig Man. Yes, they’re usually men, as women seem to have that ol’ going to gigs/life balance pretty sorted. Unless they’re pissheads. Anyway. The backpack. These blokes always have some kind of bag about their person. This gives the impression that they’re almost living off the land. Instead of sowing seeds on green pastures, they live off the land of various grotty venues in pubs and clubs around the city of their choice.
So what’s in their bag?
One can only speculate. If you were to delve in, you’d probably get sucked into a vortex which has claimed the girl singers of many-a-failed indie band. Opening the bag, shifting old socks and Bic pens outta the way, you’ll find the tortured souls of Candy-O from girl punk band Millie Tant and The Chick Peas and Stacey X from shoegaze revivalists Long Phace Faze. Their pretty indie faces contort like a Munch painting and the howls are enough to worry an Emo to death and back.
Thanks to ALWAYS being at gigs, these little toady men don’t have a real friend in the world. If they liked more popular music they’d be stalkers. However, they met Pete Doherty before he was famous (they saw him play at fashionable Camden pub, The Exploding Duck In The Oven) as well as Razorlight (seen at The Rolling Mop, which is an uber-hip venue found under a platform at Kentish Town tube station).
It’s entirely up to you whether you scorn or pity these men.

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