Let's play Glastonbury Festival TV coverage bingo!

Festival News, Film, TV & Radio Goodness

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jo-whiley.gifA growing part of the Glastonbury vibe these days is the BBC’s coverage, which spans an impressive number of channels – this year there will be coverage on BBC2, BBC3, BBC4 as well as Radio 1, Radio 2 and 6 Music.
With such familiarity comes a pretty predictable set of things to expect, however. Here is your non-cut-out-and-keep card to mark as and when they appear as you watch from your sofa/bed/prison cell. If you get them all, make sure you come back and leave a comment saying “HOUSE!”. Or “BOLLOCKS!”. Either’s good.

1. Popstars wearing neon-framed sunglasses in the studio
OK, it might not be a typical studio, but you know what I mean. Neon Wayfarers and Clubmasters are vying as this year’s sunglass of choice for the discerning on-the-rise indie type; I predict at least one Mystery Jet will help you tick this one off the list.
2. Annoying repetition of dull set from indie-turned-mainstream act
There always seems to be one act that gets a disproportionate amount of airtime, as if the producers can’t find enough decent artists to cover. My prediction for this year: The Zutons, Scouting For Girls, The Pigeon Detectives.
3. Mud-throwing from the crowd
This can be done in a vindictive way to express an act they dislike; or affectionately and in tacit collusion with the act onstage, who encourage the behaviour to show how they are men of the people, etc (before heading back to their cosy hotel).
4. Yawn-inducing VT detailing the spiritual origins of the festival
Yes, we get it. The festival used to be all about getting naked on ley lines and stabbing goats during the solstice or something. Well guess what? WE EVOLVED. Now get me a gut-vapourising chicken-burger.
5. Jo Whiley barefoot
Jo loves to get her tootsies out, although I think in recent years she’s been forced to don wellies a fair bit. This year’s half-decent weather forecast may be enough to coax the feet back to centre stage.
6. Presenters adopting John Peel-style presentation techniques
Virtually impossible to avoid I’d have thought, with Lauren Laverne and Mark Radcliffe likely to go head-to-head to see who can replicate Peel’s distinctive patter most accurately.
7. Abrupt interruption of VT/interview to cut live to Pyramid Stage performance
“Yeah, so really, my aim with this album was to-”
8. Live swearing necessitating awkward apology from presenters
winehouse&hubby.gifThe chances of a good bout of mouth-muck are high this year, with Winehouse, Ashcroft, Jay-Z, Beth Ditto and The Cribs all hotly-tipped to induce Whiley/Laverne/Radcliffe faux-embarrassment.
9. Live sound problems necessitating repetition of much-seen VT
“Er… while we wait, here’s another look at The Zutons’ set…”
10. Little-suspected terrific acoustic performance in the studio
Not quite so common this one, but sometimes those little acoustic sets acts for the Beeb can be pretty special. I remember seeing John Peel get quite flustered when his idol Lonnie Donegan visited a few years back. Some acts seem to come in imbued with the festival spirit and just enjoy themselves.
11. VT of “revellers” having “fun”
Wacky fancy dress, sunglasses, beer cans held aloft, inflatable bananas/hammers/dolls, dancing in wellies, mud-diving…
12. Incessant talk of the weather despite the fact that if you’re watching on TV you don’t really care
Obviously if you’re watching in Britain you do care a bit, because it’s in your blood to care about the weather almost as much as you care about binge-drinking. But really, it’s hard to feel anything other than smug as you watch floating tents from the comfort of your sofa.
13. Footage of It girl sporting this year’s version of “festival fashion”
It looks like Agyness Deyn may be set to take over from Kate Moss as the woman all the other women on the site want to look like. Which means we’ll be seeing her side-stage at some point, I’d have thought. Tiny outfit teamed with big wellies, anyone?
14. Interview with musician really keen to put across the fact that he/she “virtually grew up at Glastonbury”.
Oh sure, nowadays they’re all about falling out of the hippest metropolitan nitespots off their tits on loonydust, but as a child they spent every summer in the Healing Field, you know.
15. Unsuccessful attempt to get viewers to care about World music
Yes, Glasto is a place where you can be exposed to all manner of new stuff. Yes, the Beeb will give airtime to a little-known act on the Jazz World stage. Yes, if you’re viewing at home you only watch it all the way through if you’ve just come back from the pub and can’t find the remote.
For a more informed look at tellybox matters, check out TV Scoop and Available For Panto

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