Does Courtney Love's Twitter make any more sense if fed through Babel Fish Translator?
It’s a generally accepted fact that Courtney Love is battier than a big bat stew created in the Bat Cave from the battered remains of Batman, Nora Batty, David Batty and Batfink, mixed together with a cricket bat by Mike Batt, while Os Mutantes’ “Bat Macumba” plays in the background.
However it wasn’t until she stumbled into the world of social media, and started “enagaging directly with fans” (aka “providing easy stories for bloggers”), that we started to get fresh daily doses of Love.
Much nicer to get your Courtney in bite-size slices, as served up by 2009′s fave online timesuck, Twitter.
Nicer, but alas, no more comprehensible. I mean, really, what can you do with this?:
“real friend i dont pay” i should have just gotten raped bythe “interior decorator” as its costing ten times more than if i had!
One evening, as I sat whittling on my porch, I started wondering if perhaps Courtney’s tweets contained some kind of frothy-mouthed code which just required breaking in order to unleash the truth bombs contained thereinabouts.
Something in the syntax, the phrasing, the spelling and my own boredom told me that I should definitely try feeding Courtney Love’s Twitter updates through Babelfish Translator to see if they started to make any more sense.
In case you’ve never idled away an afternoon working in a call centre by indulging in this past-time, a quick primer:
1. Take an English phrase. For example, “Hey you, what are you doing with that rubber glove. It is not supposed to go up there.”
2. Go to http://uk.babelfish.yahoo.com, and paste your chosen phrase into the pane.
3. Translatify your text from English to, say, Italian.
4. Copy the result and paste it back into the pane.
5. Retranslatify this text back into English.
6. Read your fresh new gibberish, confused as it is by idiomatic intricacies and whatnot: “Hey you, what are you that fairies with that rubber glove. He is not supposed in order to go in on here.”
You can probably see where this is going.
So let’s see if this works.
Now sale, EVERYTHING GOES that doesnt fit my vision board, we are moving to NYC and there is 5000 sqaure feet of this shit
Now the sale, ALL GOES that not measure my edge of vision, we is muovendo towards NYC and there are 5000 feet of sqaure of this merda
Nah. You see, that tweet from Courtney actually comes somewhere close to sense, so the translatifier can’t help us out too much. We need something a bit more bewildering. The fact that Courtney followed the above with a list of loads of stuff she appears to be selling helped somewhat.
entire estates, 20 years of collecting, wporking at Costume Houses and reworking dry rotted Suits of Lauren Bacalls w her name in them
entire properties, 20 years of collection, wporking to the Rooms of the custom and resumption of the decomposed garments dry of Lauren Bacalls w its name in they
This… this isn’t really working. Maybe I need to try a couple of tweets together, since they all tend to bleed into one another anyway. For instance, at the time of writing Courtney’s most recent tweets seem to have been submitted while she was watching TV.
watching diablo on the vuew on you tube and shld be sleeping i l;opve pam! where do people getthis shit? edera we m,ust discuss the next on e with silver! ;pts and ;lots of ei;ver o ;ovethe onme you macdefor me so much i could CRY amd shri,ptom whats up i wnt my Upcycle!
Just to confirm, that’s verbatim. I didn’t have a sneezing fit while typing or anything.
Diablo of surveillance on vuew on you the tube and shld is to sleep the l; PAM of the opve! where the getthis of people they shit? ivy m., ust we discuss the following one on and with silver! ; I.T and; E-I lotteries; ver or; onme of ovethe you macdefor me thus a lot could SCREAM the shri of the amd, ptom what you are in on I wnt my Upcycle!
I’ve witnessed more sense from people speaking in Klingon (on TV; I don’t hang around with Trekkies).
How disappointing. I think I will stop there and conclude that Courtney Love’s Twitter Does NOT Make Any More Sense If Fed Through Babel Fish Translator.
Looking back to when you started reading this post, it may feel like this whole exercise has been a huge fucking waste of time. And it’s true, it has. But at least you didn’t spend time writing it.
[Courtney Love illustration: Phil Martin]