Well, thanks to the people behind Little Break, Big Difference, I’ll be there to see with my own jaded eyes. Turns out there’s this thing called Eurostar which means you can get to the continent quite quickly? Huh!
The shonkiness of my laptop means my live updates will be restricted to Twitter, but I am quite sure they will be very informative, utterly sober and correctly-spelled. Keep an eye out for them, and a full review after the event.
While lesser other music blogs file a festival review as soon as the weekend on which it occurred has ended, My Chemical Toilet does things differently. There will always be people who claim that this review has only now been published because of an unshakeable laziness that plagues the site’s editor, but I think we know that those people are just HATERZ.
So, after cunningly bypassing the glut of Latitude reviews that stank up the internet like a dog fart a few weeks back, here is the definitive review of the event. It was texted through in installments by the diligent and dedicated Duncan Geere, who also writes about sprong configurations and downloadable bumware for top tech site Pocket-lint.
From the outset, Duncan was keen to show that no old duffer he. Check this pensioner-baiting update which he spat out before he’d even reached the festival:
Average age of people in coach station – 68. Average age of people carrying rucksacks: 23.
In other words – “I might be travelling on the same vehicle as you, Grandma, but I’m going to rock out while you’re complaining about your ankles. FUCK. YOU.”
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Once upon a timepiece, this blog was just about festivals. Heady days they were, with month after month of writing about events to which I wasn’t invited gradually leading me to a severe, excrement-flinging depressive episode.
I jest, of course. Kind of. The fact is, it’s all very well setting up a blog about festivals, but if no fucker’s inviting you to them it ends up being a) expensive, b) dull and c) (see points a & b). No funzies. Ergo dipsum velorum, this particular site broadened its scope to music in general (and jigsaws).
Fortunately there are people out there willing to make a decent fist of covering festivals, and they are less likely to crumble like a Custard Cream when faced with putting in a bit of effort. So if you’re looking for a site of such a nature, ’tis my pleasure to point you the way of This Festival Feeling.
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In keeping with this site’s generally shambolic approach to pretty much everything, allow me to present you with some week-old, lukewarm-off-the-presses “content”.
My Chemical Toilet was presented with the opportunity to go to Lovebox Weekender and film some things happening. “Splendid!” thunk I, then: “Oh. I don’t know how cameras work.” THEN: “I know, I shall ask the lovely folk at Fixation Video if they’d like to go and film some ting.”
They said yes, and, with a minimum of (i.e. quite a lot of) technical ishoos they captured all of (i.e. a few of) the things you’d expect to see at a trendy urban festival.
The subtitles are very amusing, and more than make up for any moments where you may wonder if you’re experiencing a videophonic representation of one of your most intense childhood nightmares.
And anyway, I like nightmares, so nerr.
If you think this is late, let’s see when the Latitude review goes up. It may very well be after next year’s festival.
(I’m using quotation marks here because we all know, deep inside, that photographing your friend tripping his nuts off up a tree, and then publicising the incident on a huge online social network, is essentially a very, very wrong thing to do.)
Well this summer Kickers are giving you the chance to use your embarrassing photos for good, kind of – they’re asking you to upload your best festival photos to their Facebook page, with the winner receiving a free trip to Lovebox Weekender, which takes place on 18th & 19th July, for them and five friends. Five runners up will win a pair of Kickers footwear.
So logic would suggest that if you went to a festival and took some great group shots, ask your buddies to submit snaps as well and you immediately boost your chances of winning by ICan’tWorkOutHowMuch percent. Be quick, mind you – the contest ends on July 12th.
Honestly though, the chances of you beating that shot of my friend hallucinating on a branch are pretty slim.
You thought I was going to ignore Glastonbury festival, didn’t you? Can’t really blame you for thinking that way really, since it began nearly a week ago and ended a few days back with nary a mention round these parts.
Ah, but you didn’t know I had another every expense spared “solution” up my sleeve. That’s right, in another demonstration of the 21st 20th century’s remarkable technological advances, I arranged for a dedicated festivalgoer to provide reglear text message updates from Glastonbury.
It sounds outlandish, but it is actually possible nowadays. All you need are a mobile telephone and a thumb, really. What will they think of next?
So, following the similarly comprehensive recent review of Download festival spotted at this domain, let’s see how Nick Fleetwood got on at Glasto this weekend.
For beginnings, regardez the giddy optimism of the British festival fan, pre-event:
Music might not start for a day and a half but i’m in a car to glasto. We’re eager and ready! It feels like evergreen forest before burt raccoon wakes up…
Bless! Sadly it took but one more text to wipe out such bushy-tailed… ness?
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Did you watch the live feed of the Download Festival at the weekend? I watched the odd bit, but to be honest I didn’t really need to because I had arranged something far better.
Using cutting-edge 21st century technology, my friend Clive agreed to contact me regularly with text messages LIVE from the scene! Why watch the event from the comfort of your own home when you can have someone in a field, getting progressively more drunk, sending you pithy live updates?
You can find a pithy yet optimistic statement claiming it will return next year here.
IT IS FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE. Let’s just say that now. Festival For Heroes is aiming to raise over a million squids for The Royal British Legion, which is the charity that provides support to military service personnel and sells poppies for Remembrance Day.
Festival For Heroes kicks off Armed Forces Week at Blenheim Palace, Oxfordshire on Saturday 20th June, and what a heroic bill it offers. Elton John-sampling Ironik (pronounced ey-ronik; above) is probably the highest profile name as far as young ‘uns are concerned, but their
Mums and Dads Nans and Grandads will be able to enjoy Lulu, while the moody adolescent sibling in the family will be free to nostagify over the heady days of 2006 as The Automatic blast out all of their hit “Monster” (and possibly some other songs).
Also available for your delectation on the day: “Pretty Green Eyes”-possessors Ultrabeat, pop-dance chart-botherers Booty Luv and never-seems-to-hang-around-the-charts-long-but-never-really-goes-away star Gabrielle. And on top of that, you have some people called “Escala”, “Blake” and “All Angels”, all of whom I imagine I would probably know if I paid more attention to ITV’s Saturday Night Talent Factor.
I believe the term is “something for everyone”, and if you’d like to experience this something, My Chemical Toilet has a pair of tickets just begging to be pocketed and presented at the gates of Blenheim Palace. Click over for deets on how to win.
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The number of opportunities for new bands to gain some brand-sponsored exposure these days is pretty breathtaking.
Pretty much every major festival has had a go at “engaging” young ‘uns using these tactics, and Virgin Media’s Road To V competition has been going a fair few years now.
This year Road To V is back, offering a frankly gruelling-sounding path to V Festival for two hopefully very fit unsigned bands. The Road to V involves being mentored by a couple of (soon to be announced) established bands, playing Brighton’s Great Escape Festival, exposure to pretty much every Virgin Media “portal” out there and trial by public vote.