I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To… The Knife

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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knife.jpgEvery hipster in the world is telling me that I should like The Knife. Well, I got news for you bucko, I can’t bear ‘em. They make my shit itch they’re so bad. They’re a mixture of two of my most loathed things: The 80s and bad electronic music. Now, don’t get me wrong on the latter, I love electronic music… just not electronic music that sounds like a horrendous 80s disco with a sniff of trance about it. I lived through the 80s, unlike most of the people who dig The Knife and can vouch that there is nothing to promote. The 80s was the worst musical decade in history.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: Rage Against The Machine

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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ratm.jpgIt’s quite hard doing an ‘I Don’t Like Them As Much As I’m Supposed To‘ every week. Not because I can’t think of bands, more, people will think I don’t like anyone. Not true. Anyway, who is this week’s headscratcher? Well, with all the fuss over the reunion for the festivals, I have to say I just don’t get Rage Against The Machine. Of course, I understand why they were popular – they were political, angry, loud – but for me, something was always missing.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: Gogol Bordello

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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Gogol_Bordello_-.jpgJust about every man and his dog loves Gogol Bordello. Everyone seems to thrill at the prospect of punk hitting trad. arr. gypsy music headlong and creating a joyous rock ‘n’ roll wreck… But isn’t that what Dexy’s Midnight Runners were when they went rubbish?
Of course, the nature of this column requires me to only pick out the bad points. However, I will say that I’m aware that it’s a good thing this band are introducing a new crowd to music they may never have considered previously. And each to their own and all that… but it’s not as fun, is it?

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: Jimi Hendrix

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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jimihendrix.jpgI almost feel dirty for typing this… but… I just don’t like Jimi Hendrix as much as I’m supposed to. At least, the Jimi Hendrix that everyone else loves. Now, that’s not to say Mr Hendrix isn’t without merit. Far from it. Jimi was a trailblazer. A black man making it in whitey’s world, mixing up soul with rock and playing a guitar like no other before him… or since. He looked the part, he strutted cool as a peacock and, let’s be honest, he was devilishly good-looking.
However, there’s something that doesn’t float my boat when Jimi is represented by the annals of rock. Getting stuck into a Jimi Hendrix LP is no easy thing. They’re often sprawling messes that are littered with too many long, noodly guitar solos and dippy lyrics about Aquarius and throwaway mysticism.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: Guns 'n' Roses

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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GNR.jpgOK. I geddit. Guns ‘n’ Roses were a trashy group of degenerates who raised hell and liked their music loud. On paper, they tick all my boxes. The swagger of Keef, the seediness of the New York Dolls. The sheer volume of no-good punks. However, music isn’t assessed on paper, as “G’n'FR”, on a turntable, make me ill.
I dare say that fans of the band will adopt an attitude of ‘well, you either love ‘em or loathe ‘em’, which is handy as I absolutely despise ‘em. In my teens, they were the stadium band you were allowed to like. They were a bit dangerous and partied harder than most… but then again, I bet Genesis have some tales, eh? No, my beef lay with the fact that they were a bunch of misogynists making it OK to talk about women like sides of beef. Not. Cool.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: Ryan Adams

Dispatches From Beardsville, I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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ryanadams.jpgRyan Adams is pretty much adored by everyone I know. He’s a bit country, a bit punk, a bit folk, a bit rock’n'roll… which ticks all my boxes. So why can’t I get into him? I bought Heartbreaker and Gold all those years ago, and, in fairness, the former contained a couple o’ numbers that were stone cold killers. ‘Oh My Sweet Carolina’, ‘Winding Wheel’ and the one that opens the LP… can’t remember what it’s called now… were all great. Things looked promising. Had I found my new Gram Parsons?
Gold came up next in my collection, and ‘Answering Bell’ was a gorgeous slice of country-rock… but the rest of the LP? Can’t remember a thing. Y’see, I’d hoped that Adams was gonna grab country music by the balls and really go for the jugular. Show-stopping rockabilly numbers and tunes made for crying into your beer, you know?

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To… Manic Street Preachers

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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MSP.jpgI used to love having Manic Street Preachers knocking around. They were skeletal thin, trashy hell-raisers that stuck yellow tongues out at the hippies and declared, live on the Pyramid Stage at Glasto, that someone should “build a bypass over this shit-hole”. As childish as it was, you’ve gotta laugh.
The first two LPs released by the Welsh rockers misfired, but contained a couple of singles you couldn’t help but enjoy. Then their masterpiece arrived in the shape of the terrifying The Holy Bible. Songs of abuse, death, lust and politics collided with seedy basslines and truly harrowing guitar and imagery. The Richie went AWOL and the weight started piling onto more than just their hips.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: The Doors

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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the-doors.jpgFirstly, guess what? There was more than one person in The Doors. Guess what else? The one you always think about was the least talented of the four. Lester Bangs (the greatest rock critic who ever did live) called Jim Morrison the “Bozo Dionysus” and I’m right behind him. “I am the Lizard King! I can do anything!” Jimbo once hollered… anything except jerk off in the bath without dying. But hey, I’m falling into the ‘Jim Morrison was The Doors’ trap. Let’s look at the canonised output.
People tend to fall over themselves to heap praise on The Doors (I’m looking at you Q Mag, Mojo, NME and Uncut). I don’t get it. Sure ’nuff, they made some decent pop records… that’s right, POP. “Peace Frog” is alright, “Break On Through”, “Roadhouse Blues”… all decent pop records. Anything more? Nope. They’re up there with Duran Duran, A-Ha and Take That – pop chancers who got lucky with a couple of choruses and a much-fancied singer.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: Sex Pistols

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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sexpistols.jpgJust because a band is hugely influential doesn’t mean I have to like ‘em. Even if I like cruddy third-rate versions of said band. In this case, I’m talking about the Sex Pistols. For some reason, I just can’t get into ‘em. They’ve got a couple of songs that I love. “Pretty Vacant” is a masterpiece in schlock pop and “God Save The Queen” is a hilarious piece of rockin’ trash… but for me, that’s about all they’ve got to offer.
Now, I’ve already touched on it, but I feel that I’ll have to reiterate. I understand how incredibly important the Sex Pistols are to British music, but I do sniff at the idea that punk came about because of Johnny Rotten & Co. Punk is something that’d been around for more than a decade before ‘Year Zero’. The thing that the second punk movement had was great timing.

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I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To: David Bowie

I Don't Like Them As Much As I'm Supposed To

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mrbowie.jpgOver the years, David Bowie‘s done it all. He’s been a trashy maverick. He’s used art in his music and somehow made it accessible enough for the masses to swallow. He’s sold a squillion records. He’s had his teeth done. He’s hopped around the genres with wild abandon. He’s created stone-cold pop classics. Hell, he’s collaborated with Bing Crosby! So why don’t I really like him?
For all the plus points of Bowie, there’s something holding me back. I’ve never been one for rock ‘n’ roll theatrics, preferring my singers to wear jeans and look like one of ‘us’. That said, it’s never stopped me digging the sounds of Sly and the Family Stone and Funkadelic, who look like they’ve just landed from some mysterious planet. There’s no doubting that Bowie possesses one of the most brilliant and soulful voices in rock history… and man, his back catalogue is to die for. However…

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