My Chemical Toilet

Taxicab Classics: Toto - "Hold The Line"

The sun's shining, you're bombing around in your motor (or a cab, if you've been hitting the cider), and you need some classic rock. You select Toto's "Hold The Line". You sing along to both the words and the riffs. You recall the video, with the slightly chubby singer and the frankly appalling hairstyles. For three minutes and fifty-eight seconds, all is right with the world.

Then it ends :(

Taxicab Classics - 'If You Leave Me Now' by Chicago

I made a rare trip to London this weekend and as such, spent loads of time in taxis. The tune of the weekend (for the cab drivers at least) would have been a fictional tune about ripping people off, or Chicago's sumptuous crap-but-good pop of 'If You Leave Me Now'. So, seeing as I can't find a video for a made up tune, let's have a look at Chicago and their lovely hair.

[video: rudyvalencia]

Taxicab Classics - 'I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)' by Halls and Oates

Hall and Oates 'I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)' is, without question, the greatest Taxicab Classic ever recorded. There is no better. As far as MOR goes, this is the apex, the pinnacle, the Mona Lisa... listen, stop reading and press play already! [tax]

Taxicab Classics - 'Indiana Wants Me' by R. Dean Taylor

It's hard to believe that the soft country pop of 'Indiana Wants Me' by R. Dean Taylor was released through Motown Records. However, the fact Taylor was behind loads of Motown hits, the whole thing gets a little clearer. Taylor's pop magic is evident in this easy on the ear ditty... so easy on the ear was it that it was a big hit in the US and in Britain, and landed a #1in Taylor's native Canada. It does sound Canadian when you think about it. Anyway, give a truckers 11 out of 10 and press play. [video:coljaz]

Taxicab Classics: 'Private Dancer' by Tina Turner

In a taxi yesterday, going to the airport to drop someone off (never mind who, you nosy parkers), a truly wonderful sound seeped from the tinny taxi speaker. It was the sound of thunderous thighs strutting around a studio and a voice crackling about being a saucy dancer. Of course, I'm talking about the big hair croon of Tina Turner (in the 80s) singing 'Private Dancer'. Check out the ballet-dancing sailor boy in the video (you don't get to say that very often do you?)! Pay tribute to Tina by doing her walk around the office. I dare you.

[video:Nouveauxromo]

Taxicab Classics: 'I'm Not In Love' by 10cc

I jumped in a taxi last night and noted that my cabbie was listening to "Silk FM". What a great name for a radio station. Turns out that Silk FM is "soft adult contemporary music for Macclesfield and North East Cheshire". Glamourous eh? Well, the first thing to hit me was some soul-y type thing that was so inoffensive that I forgot what it was whilst it was still playing. Madness. Then, the taxi air was filled with the wonky strains of 'I'm Not In Love' by 10cc. Bona fide!

[video: queen106]

Taxicab Classics: 'Darlin'' by The Beach Boys

The Beach Boys, when on sunshine form, are a taxi-ride dream. Through drizzly and dimly lit streets, Brian Wilson & Co are able to give you a dose of Californian sunshine, and that's a rare and wonderful gift. One of the more inoffensive, but still sublime, Beach Boys tracks that sneaks onto MOR stations is 'Darlin'', which, from the word go, is pure golden rays and great big grins. Start loving this record right now. Fact fans may be interested to know that this is Daft Punk's fave Beach Boys tune... so much so that their first band was named after it!

[video: thunderbird1958]

Taxicab Classics: Paul Simon says 'You Can Call Me Al' even though neither of us is called Al

Journeying in a taxi is like being in a time machine, taking you back to a time when all music was well-crafted and inoffensive. And smelled a bit like old fag-ends and B.O. One track which is a favourite of the cabbie is the syrupy pop of Paul Simon circa Gracelands. The biggest hit from that LP was 'You Can Call Me Al', which starred Ladysmith Black Mambazo (or, those ones from that baked bean ad ages ago). And for the video? Enter Chevy Chase. What's not to love? All of it? There's no pleasing some people.

[video: curedude77]

Tom Scholz of Boston slates Mike Huckabee for nabbing "More Than A Feeling"

OK, I never made a resolution to write regular music-related posts about the US elections, but if those darn American politicians keep messing up so deliciously, what am I supposed to do?

First there was Will.i.am's campaign song for Obama, then there was the frankly horrific "Hillary4U&Me". And now comes the news that Republican Mike Huckabee tried to plunder classic rock history by using Boston's "More Than A Feeling" for his campaign... only, he didn't ask permission. And the guy who wrote and performed it - Boston's main man Tom Scholz - is not very happy about it. And nor am I! Hands off our Taxicab Classics, Creationist!

Indeed so not happy was he that he sent Huckers a letter, and quite possibly leaked it to, um, the internet. Thephoenix.com reproduces the whole thing, and it's a cracking read.

Taxicab Classics: "Long Train Running" by The Doobie Brothers

Taxis are the place to be if you wanna feel like a trucker for a brief moment of your life. Taxis house the voice of Sarah Kennedy, the smell of B.O. and most importantly, stations that pour out MOR and AOR like sonic treacle. Taxis are the place that musical time forgot. So where else you gonna dig the hirsute, dad-friendly sounds of The Doobie Brothers?

The Doobie Brothers are the aural equivalent of yer daddio telling you that, in his youth, there was nothing he liked better than "having half a spliff and 'rocking out' with the headphones on. Oh man, they were heady days. You should have seen my clothes and hair! You know what a doobie is, right?" While all the real hippies were full of acid, naked and wigging out to Gong, your dad was in his student digs fretting a little. So with that, let's listen to the soundtrack of future middle management with The Doobie Brothers' "Long Train Running". Read over...

Taxicab Classics: REO Speedwagon - "Can't Fight This Feeling"

"I remember getting the best bj ever to this song in 1984."

So says YouTube commenter kb7787 of REO Speedwagon's exemplary perm-ballad. You don't need to have fellatio-related memories attached to this beauty for it to make you feel all sorts of special, however. Nope, all you need to guiltily enjoy this mullety delight is a pair of ears and a functioning heart. Don't even try to deny it. I sang this at karaoke once, you know. Weeping at the song's close was probably a step too far, but I had some stuff on my mind.

"Can't Fight This Feeling" is here reproduced with subtitles, for our Spanish viewers. Vaya con Dios.

[video: quezada7]

Taxicab Classics - "I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper" by Hot Gossip

There's something charming about a song that mentions Darth Vader and then says "are you like a droid, devoid of emotion?" Of course, this could only come from the ludicrous disco of Hot Gossip's "I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper". Featuring a pre-famous Sarah Brightman hopping around in horrible lycra with a buncha bozos doing robotics, "...Trooper" was a big hit in 1978 which summoned you to "Take me, make me feel the force". Bloody 'ell. Who knew the future would be so saucy!

[video: Snoogadooch]

Taxicab Classics - Car 67 by Driver 67

Last night, blind drunk in a taxi coming back from a burlesque night (yes it was fun... yes I'm still quite drunk) I had the most wonderful experience (not like that you mucky sods) as, tootling along, the radio blurted "...and here's Driver 67 with their '78 hit, Car 67!" There I was... sat in a taxi listening to a song about a taxi driver! Brilliant! So, in tribute to Nabeel, my chariot for the evening, here's the track. Watch out for the oddball Brum accent which punctuates the song. "You've put me in a bad position..."

[video: mrdee11091]

Taxicab Classics - Fleetwood Mac's Little Lies

This weekend has seen me spending a lot of time in taxis. For your info, I've been on the pop for three days straight which is something of a novelty for me. Apart from a twinge in my liver, one thing has been a constant... and that is Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac. As dreadful as this track is, it's somehow crept under my skin and I now love it. I've been whistling it around my 'cool' friends. Was I chastised? Of course not. They love it too. We all love this song. Even the rubbish wonky synths and booming '80s drums. Now dig the vid. [video: assej8]

Best Ballads Videos: cataloguing Boyz II Men ballads so you don't have to

Sometimes - like when it's raining outside, and you've got boring chores that need doing, and all you can think about is why nobody loves you, and you can't work out why you're so ugly, and you're pondering why that film star never replies to your handwritten declarations of love - you just need to sit down with a load of ballads and weep your stupid bloody heart out.

Ideally, these ballads will have some kind of visual stimulus to prevent you from staring into space as you have a good old blub. So it's fortunate that a site called Best Ballads Videos exists for that very purpose.

Taxicab Classics - Hues Corporation's Rock The Boat

Taxi rides provide you, mostly, with short journeys of around two or three songs long (if you live in London you could probably get five of six prog tracks in). Usually, you hear one ballad, one MOR track and one soft-soul swinger. Looking at the latter, let's have a stone-cold bona fide taxi gem... and that's the Hues Corporation (man! I wanna work there) with their incredibly inoffensive Rock The Boat.

[video: Luiscmck70xI]

Taxicab Classics - "All Night Long" by Lionel Richie

Taxis are a great place to dig the sounds of your guilty pleasures. I mean, you ain't gonna invite your mates round for a drinking session whilst slipping on an ELO LP are ya? You'd get kicked around the house. Whilst in a taxi over the weekend, I heard the glorious rump of All Night Long by the unusually-faced Lionel Richie. Of course, Lionel has a glorious back catalogue, including "Dancing On The Ceiling", "Say You, Say Me" and "Hello". No-one in their right mind would admit to liking this lot... but, if we keep it quiet, we can all slowly make sales of this album go up. Oh, this is a secret and guilty pleasure... but pleasure all the same! [video: simie65]

Where Have I Heard That Song Before?: Journey - "Don't Stop Believing"

Any Sopranos fans will probably be pretty familiar with this beauty by now. It could equally go down as a Taxicab Classic, as could any number of Journey's clenched-fist classics.

"Don't Stop Believing" was a huge hit in the 70s, and details several reasons why children should keep faith in the legend of Father Christmas. OK, maybe not. The song received an unexpected new lease of life after featuring at the end of The Sopranos' final episode, with iTunes almost imploding with the number of folk looking to get the full Steve Perry goodness.

Check out this concert footage and just try not to put your foot on the nearest monitor-shaped object. Impossible.

Click To Play

[video: blip.tv]

Taxicab Classics - Hopelessly Devoted by Olivia Newton John

Olivia%20Newton%20John%20Grease%20-%20Hopelessly%20devoted%20to%20you.jpg I have a confession to make. Normally, musicals make me spit. Grease is the worst of the lot. I've wanted to die when I hear the strains of that one that goes rama lama bonk biff boing rama dingly dingo dink bonk tit. However, I shamefully love Hopelessly Devoted by Olivia (eye of) Newton John thanks to a late night with some dark rum and a MW radio station.

The croon of devo-ted fills me with a warming embarrassment. I've even learned the tune on my guitar. There's a bit that goes maw-maw-m'maaaw that I love to the point of fainting. Of course, the mention of medium wave means it's a bona fide taxi behemoth. Click over, watch and secretly love. Note the cold stare of killer on the face of Olivia in the vid...

Taxicab Classics - "Upside Down" by Diana Ross

There's no two ways about it. Taxis tune into radio stations that play one of two kinds of music. MOR and disco/soul. This essentially means summat for 'the dads' and summink else for 'the mums'. This doesn't include Clint's Disco Taxi in Bolton, which lets you sing away in the back of the cab to various pop atrocities.

For me, top of the disco pile (and my mum would agree) is Diana Ross' sublime "Upside Down". The track is taken from the criminally underrated 1980 LP "Diana" and hit number one all over the world. The song is from the pen of Chic masterminds Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards, apparently on a whim after Ross told the legendary songwriter-producer duo that she wanted a song her children could dance to. And how! Click over to listen to the bona-fide, stone cold, dance floor classic.

Taxicab Classics - Take it Easy by The Eagles

I'm not sure what radio stations taxi drivers listen to, but whatever they are, they're hell-bent on trying to make cold drab Britain sound like golden-hued California. Step off a rainy street into a taxi and you'll be transported into sunnier, more easygoing climes.

It's for this reason that The Eagles are a driver's band of choice. Hotel California is the classic tune, but coming in second is the two-thumb trucker fave, Take It Easy. It ticks all the right boxes; easy to singalong with, easy on the ear and makes you feel a bit like Smokey and The Bandit. Bona fide!

[video provided by GuitarMike26]

Taxicab Classics - "Sailing" by Christopher Cross

"Sailing" by the weird, mewing Christopher Cross sold a billion trillion copies when released in the (dreadful) '80s. Its lilting, woozy, watery sounds captured the hearts of the fawning and brainless back then, leaving Chris Cross (pants on the right way 'round) to make a million bucks and go on to have another smash-hit with Dudley Moore in "Arthur's Theme". According to the song, "the canvas can do miracles"... and so can a big chubby face and a double-necked guitar. This is one of those terrible records that is strangely beguiling, sung in a voice that can only be described as "a bit deaf".

For more Taxicab Classics, click here... it's a world of guilty pleasure!
[video SrFerraz]

Taxicab Classics - Jermaine Stewart's "We Don't Have To (Take Our Clothes Off)"

Over the weekend, I found myself sat in a taxi. I'd done the old "pacing around my living room with my coat on waiting for it to turn up for 40 minutes prior for absolutely no reason"... and when it finally showed, in I hopped and was greeted with a bona fide taxicab classic.

Yessir, in the dark days of the 1980s, every two-bit soul singer fancied a bit of Michael Jackson's action and, as such, any bloke with a falsetto and a set of hair straighteners got a job (think Terence Trent D'Arby). One bloke was the squeaky spinning top of Jermaine Stewart who graced the airwaves with his We Don't Have To (Take Our Clothes Off).

Taxicab Classics - Nothing Rhymed by Gilbert O'Sullivan

When Gilbert O'Sullivan burst onto the pop scene in the early seventies, nobody could quite believe their eyes. Is that a fully grown man... dressed... as a Victorian schoolboy? Yes indeed... and this particular lad 'appens to 'ave the best fistful of tunes you could ever hope for too! Gilbert's first LP is full to bursting with pop goodness and cryptic lyrics which dazzle and beguile. Gilbert may not be the chin stroker's choice, but by God he's a talented lad with a gift for making cheeky pop and achingly gorgeous tunes... just like the stunning string laden Nothing Rhymed.

[video provided by clasule]

Taxicab Classics: Yes - 'Owner of a Lonely Heart'

Chances are, you've heard Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes on many good taxi rides to / from the Friday night knees-up. By the same token, there's a huge likelihood that you haven't seen the hilarious video which sees the band members turning into lizards and snakes (you trying playing bass with no limbs). High concept video, even higher mirth value, coupled with big hair guitar and some orchestral synth stabs (c/o Trevor Horn) made this a sure-fire winner in the eighties. Does it still work now? You can be the judge of that...

[provided by VideoStauber]

Taxicab Classics - ELO sing Mr Blue Sky

A pal of mine once described ELO (or The Electric Light Orchestra if prefer) as "Beatles - The Musical' which is pretty perfect in summary. Jeff Lynne & co created something that seems to sit somewhere between prog and pop, which of course, made them hugely popular in the seventies. Probably their best known track is the stupendously joyful Mr Blue Sky, which features everything including the kitchen sink (listen closely... the metallic pang MUST be...). Coming soon to a taxi near you...

[video provided by Alaf22]

Taxicab Classics Halloween edition - Cliff Richard sings Devil Woman

MOR is a dodgy place to find yourself. However, occasionally, it comes up trumps with a track so great that you can even find yourself liking Cliff Richard. Yes. You heard right. Cliff, responsible for a thousand awful records (choose any of his Christmas hits), hit gold with the brimstone of this easy-on-the-ear diatribe against a woman with evil ways. Listen to this song (by watching the video below) and then be honest with yourself... there is absolutely nothing wrong with this song whatsoever. Succumb to the Devil Woman.

Taxicab Classics - Easy Lover by Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey

I'm a record collector. I collect records from all over the world. Weird and wonderful psychedelic sounds that would fry any ear lucky enough to hear 'em. Rare and obscure records are my forte... so why do I love Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey's Easy Lover so much? One listen, and it's clear that this is almost as perfect (and pompous) as pop can be. Harmonies, ridiculous guitar solos, more hooks than a pirate get-together... yep, Easy Lover has it all. Watch the video, sing-along... but whatever you do, don't act cool and pretend that you don't like it. Give in to the majesty.

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