Wikipedia reckons Sunscreem had TWELVE UK chart hits, but if I can’t remember them that means they never existed. Which, conveniently, means the one I can remember qualifies them for One-Hit Wonderful. Apparently they did OK in the U.S dance charts, but, you know.

And “Love U More” was quite wonderful, despite some rather odd lyrics. Witness:

You can turn wine into water
As fathers rape their daughters
But you know you can never make me love you more

Awww, ain’t no rapey incest gonna change her love for u.

The video could only have come from the early 90s, with greasy male ponytails, rave curtains and a tartan outfit which might remind readers of a certain age of D:Ream’s Peter Cunnah all featuring. Younger viewers soon to sit their 90s Video Aesthetics 101 exam should note that 78% of British pop videos from 1990 - 1993 were shot in forests.

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday May 27th, 2009 at 10:48 am

Kate Solomon, she write:

It seems you kids with your leopard print shoes, your checked shirts and your love for all things

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday May 26th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Dear Mr Kelly,

I wish to complain in the strongest terms about the advice you dispense in your paean to self-belief, “The World’s Greatest”.

“If anybody asks you who I am,” begins the chorus. Presumably you mean “if anybody asks you who you are”, because not once has a person approached me and enquired, “I say, do you know who R. Kelly is?”

Everyone knows who you are, Mr Kelly. We’ve all seen the pictures.

Assuming your advice is therefore aimed at me, the listener, I must inform you that it is spectacularly poorly-judged:

If anybody asks you who I am
Just stand up tall
Look ‘em in the face and say
I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high

I took your advice for a little while, Mr Kelly, and I am here to tell you that you are no Tony Robbins. No sir. You are no Claire Rayner. You are not fit to wipe your anus with Mariella Frostrup’s Dear Mariella column from The Observer. No siree bobbykins.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Friday May 22nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm

17 year-old Canadian Julia Dales won the wildcard competition for entry into the Beatbox Battle World Championship, so now she has a chance to win the whole competition.

I’m always amazed beatboxers are able to keep a straight face for so long, and the same is true of this clip. I’d crack up after the first bar. She is pretty amazing though, and clearly doesn’t need to worry about such matters.

But wait, why am I here when I could be making predictably misogynistic/lewd remarks about her on YouTube, like everyone else? Seeya!

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday May 21st, 2009 at 11:15 am

***UPDATE*** Er, the My Chemical Toilet kiss of festideath has struck again folks - Festival For Heroes has been “postponed” due to… well, lack of ticket sales.

You can find a pithy yet optimistic statement claiming it will return next year here.

IT IS FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE. Let’s just say that now. Festival For Heroes is aiming to raise over a million squids for The Royal British Legion, which is the charity that provides support to military service personnel and sells poppies for Remembrance Day.

Festival For Heroes kicks off Armed Forces Week at Blenheim Palace, Oxfordshire on Saturday 20th June, and what a heroic bill it offers. Elton John-sampling Ironik (pronounced ey-ronik; above) is probably the highest profile name as far as young ‘uns are concerned, but their Mums and Dads Nans and Grandads will be able to enjoy Lulu, while the moody adolescent sibling in the family will be free to nostagify over the heady days of 2006 as The Automatic blast out all of their hit “Monster” (and possibly some other songs).

Also available for your delectation on the day: “Pretty Green Eyes”-possessors Ultrabeat, pop-dance chart-botherers Booty Luv and never-seems-to-hang-around-the-charts-long-but-never-really-goes-away star Gabrielle. And on top of that, you have some people called “Escala”, “Blake” and “All Angels”, all of whom I imagine I would probably know if I paid more attention to ITV’s Saturday Night Talent Factor.

I believe the term is “something for everyone”, and if you’d like to experience this something, My Chemical Toilet has a pair of tickets just begging to be pocketed and presented at the gates of Blenheim Palace. Click over for deets on how to win.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday May 19th, 2009 at 9:00 am

While much of the world has been bemoaning the appearance of Matt & Kim’s “Daylight” in a Bacardi ad, us Brits still find our toes getting their tap on to a certain big beat tune which soundtracks a Bacardi Mojito clip:

If you’ve ever wondered what that song is and where you can buy it, get clicky with that “Continue Reading” button.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday May 18th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[image: Evan Roth for F.A.T]

This is a guest post from the hella witty Kate Solomon:

Kanye West, it

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Friday May 15th, 2009 at 1:29 pm

If you know what’s good for you, you’ll watch this bladdy video by Wave Machines. The song it accompanies, “I Go I Go I Go”, is quite the finest thing you will hear today unless you encounter, I dunno, a puppy who can whistle:

Wave Machines - I Go I Go I Go

I’m right, amn’t I? If that hasn’t made your day slightly better I think you are legitimitely allowed to go back to bed, because you’re beyond help.

“I Go I Go I Go” was first released last year, but now it’s been all polished up ready for a release people might actually hear about. It will be available from 1st June, with their debut album Wave If You’re Really There out a couple of weeks later on 15th June.

My Chemical Toilet has a pair of tickets to Wave Machines’ London show on Monday 18th May up for grabs, you know. Check out how to snag ‘em after the jump.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday May 14th, 2009 at 10:15 am

One of my favourite pasttimes is watching the children in my neighbourhood fight. I’ll repair to the living room window at around 3.30pm, with a cup of coffee and a couple of Custard Creams, and wait for the post-school rucks to begin.

It’s like watching one of those Bravo shows hosted by Danny Dyer, only without the cockney waddle. I can get quite involved. My woopin’ and hollerin’ has seen several beverages go flying, I’ll tell ya.

Ruarri Joseph’s “More Than Most” is a lovely, softly-plucked number the likes of which you normally see visiontracked by strolls through forests or walks across hills. But “More Than Most”, from his current album Both Sides Of The Coin, has a video which will delight people who enjoy seeing nippers beat the crap out of each other, since it’s a splitscreen examination of a genuine Thai boxing fight between a couple of younglings.

It’s directed by Sam Walker, and goddamn him and Ruarri Joseph if they haven’t somehow made children fighting a sadder, more affecting affair than the good-time bloodsport I am used to. Watch it after the jump, although more sensitive types may find a lump forming somewhere around the vicinity of their throats.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday May 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm