From the Spinal Tap-esque artwork of their debut album right through to the present day, only once have The Strokes lived up to their promise. I’ve seen ‘em live, heard the LPs… and of course, the initial hype took a lot of digesting (as they were all set to save the world from whiney guitar bands, bad pop, third world debt and apparently, had a cure for the common cold). But I was willing to like them. Velvet Underground influence? Yes please! A sniff of garage punk about ‘em? Bring it on! Sadly, the opening chimes of their debut single left me cold and wondering who stole their verve.
I mentioned that they’d only lived up to the promise once. “Juicebox” was the time they got closest to being an exciting band. A sinister bassline and a band really letting loose and kicking out the jams! Man, when they holler “Why won’t you come over heeeerrrreee?”, you actually start believing that this band could shake up the stale world of indie-pop. Sadly, the bits I’ve mentioned are the only great bits of the song.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 30th, 2008 at 1:48 pm

I don’t know what it is about Gorillaz, but whatever it is, I can’t get into ‘em. Throughout my teens, I was a big Blur fan. To this day, I have a great respect for Damon Albarn. There’s no doubting his ability to write a cracking and catchy ditty and, on his day, has a wonderful turn of phrase. However, since Blur went cold, I’ve not been able to really get into anything he’s done.
I scratch my head often wondering what may have changed my mind. Am I a pop snob? I can’t be. I still like the Parklife LP, and The Good, The Bad and The Queen is hardly standard pop. So have I simply grown out of Damon Albarn’s stylings? I don’t think so. Gorillaz have done some pretty good tunes… so what is it? The only thing I can think of is the lack of Graham Coxon.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 23rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm

It won’t surprise you at all to find someone who doesn’t like The Smiths. In fact, throw a stone into the air and chances are, when it lands, it’ll either hit someone who hates Mozza and Co or someone who would die for him. As a young surly lad growing up in the North of England, I was expected to like The Smiths. I liked guitars. I liked the sound of a record that was ‘off the beaten track’. As far as I was concerned, though, the only people who liked ‘em were Southerners and people who had moved to Manchester from elsewhere in an attempt to feel The Smiths (didn’t have the balls to move to Salford though eh?).
Through the ’80s, The Smiths were imperial, almost walking on water in the eyes of their adoring fans. After the split, they became canonised and no bad words could ever be said against them (unless you include the laughable suggestions that Morrissey was/is a racist). Smiths discos cropped up all over the place and the quiffs got a little bit bigger. The Smiths, one of the most famous bands that had ever shouted from our shores still felt like a secret to those in the know.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 16th, 2008 at 1:35 pm

A large portion of my family is Caribbean, so as you can well imagine, reggae played a bit part in my life. So did Blackpool Milk Roll but that’s besides the point. The tales of the older members of my family were both brilliant and heartbreaking. From tales of being thrown on a boat to do labouring jobs, to stories about dancing for two days straight to Bluebeat and Calypso. Man, sometimes I wish I was oppressed, repressed… instead of just pressed. With that came an early fondness for the sounds of JA… Toots and the Maytals, Prince Buster, Sister Nancy, Horace Andy… but one act that never set my heart alight was The Wailers, and, specifically, the solo work of Bob Marley.
Growing up, I saw my peers learning how to skin-up and make slapshod bucket bongs to the sounds of Baab, and was often left cold. In fairness, when I get stoned, my extremities go cold, but that’s not what I’m talking about. The rich basses and intricate drum work of truly great reggae always makes my hair stand on end (leaving me looking like a cross between Don King and Kid from Kid ‘N’ Play… only white), but Bob’s output sounded… too white.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 9th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

I fear I’m going to get crucified for this… but I really don’t like Muse. To me, they’re nothin’ more than Radiohead on steroids… and I don’t like Radiohead either. Of course, I’m being a bit glib in an attempt to wind up die-hard Musos (I bet I’m not the first, or even the millionth, person to wheel that lame-ass joke out), but seriously, there is only so much whining tortured artistry I can stomach.
I’ve seen ‘em live, heard the records, seen the videos and I still don’t get it. As big rock bands go, the stage show is so-so, and the tunes seem to big writ large for the sake of it. Gimme QOTSA any day of the week. There’s a big rock band with balls. I reckon Josh Homme would back me in a brawl, where Matt Bellamy would cry with his walkman on. What’s that gotta do with anything? Nothing. Nothing at all. Since when did rock writing have to be serious and based on fact?

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 pm

In a recent conversation about embarrassing records owned in the past, I included my LPs by The Jam. Thinking about it later, I’m not sure why… I mean, The Jam were a great band! “Billy Hunt” is a cracking slice of punkpop and every man and his dog loves “A Town Called Malice” don’t they? So I started wondering why I’d chosen The Jam as my shameful past. Then it hit me. Paul Weller.
Paul Weller, to many Ben Sherman shirt-wearers, is regarded as The Modfather. Now, to me, there are many, many more people who deserve such a title. Steve Marriott. Pete Townshend. Hell, there are a hundred soul singers who deserve it more than that lot put together. Weller emerged from the dreadful Style Council to become a popular singer-songwriter in his own right (after a faltering first solo LP) which has seen him tackle folk, indie, r ‘n’ b… but that doesn’t a genius make (a genius wouldn’t hang around with Ocean Colour Scene for a start).

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday December 18th, 2007 at 11:48 am

There is no questioning how great The Stone Roses once were. They’ve influenced just about every British band since the release of their incredible debut. Swirling psychedelic guitars and breathy vocals were backed up with a cockiness not seen in the then dour world of indie miserablism. That said, something has left the memory of The Roses tainted.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday December 12th, 2007 at 1:25 pm

I don’t know what it is, but the sound of The Clash just doesn’t do it for me. The first LP has its moments - Janie Jones is a cracking opener - but after that it just falls flat. Don’t shoot me. Other notable tunes that leave me colder than a day-old cup of tea; Tommy Gun, Should I Stay Or Should I Go?, Rock The Casbah… and don’t get me started on the hugely overrated London Calling. Joe Strummer, silver spoon beneficiary turned gravedigger turned squatter punk God turned Bruce Springsteen, spat out the lyrics and had the right moves… but couldn’t really move me.
That said, I don’t dislike the group. I recognise their importance to one of the most vital movements in the history of music and hell, I even liked ‘em when I was 14! For me, there is something missing from the sounds that bumble out of my speakers. Maybe you had to be there when it all kicked off? Because I wasn’t, I’ll leave the band to those that love ‘em… I’ll go back to my Buzzcocks records.

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday December 5th, 2007 at 11:56 am

So… as the mortgage bills pile up, another band reform… and this time it’s The Verve. Now, for anyone grumbling at my use of ‘The’ in the band name, please go away now… I’m firmly on the side of the jazz label that’s been around for a lot longer than a bunch of chest-beaters from Wigan. Y’see, I like bands who have a bit of arrogance… it makes it fun… The New York Dolls without arrogance doesn’t bear thinking about. However, your arrogance needs to be well placed… and record sales don’t always make a great band.
Many fans of Richard Ashcroft & Co will tell you of the beauty of The Verve’s LPs… but as beauty is subjective (ie, I don’t like ‘em so tough) that goes out of the window. So what is next? Well, they will then tell you of the massive shows they’ve played… the vast number of records sold… but Mr Blobby went to number one and Robbie Williams filled a Knebworth field. The fact is, The Verve got lucky and hit their stride slap bang in the middle of Britpop, seeing them go from indie miserablists to all conquering rock gawds. Sadly for The Verve, their mawkish symphonies left the door open for The Little Book of Calm groups (Coldplay, Keane)… and when you hear The Drugs Don’t Work… it’s hard not to be pithy and say “they do… if you don’t stick ‘em up your arse…”

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday November 28th, 2007 at 1:40 pm

Ben Folds (and his famous Five) have the kind of fans that could only be described as ‘adoring’. Folds and his piano take to road and record throwing out oh-so-witty lyrics and oh-so-clever musical tricks to show all just how talented he is. He’s so far removed from what I look for in music that it actually makes me a bit ill. Unfortunately, I’ve been to a Ben Folds gig, and rather than being underwhelmed (as I’d expected) I found myself furious at each knowing wink and smart-arse key change. The bands I like bring out interesting records… Ben Folds decided to do a tour on cruise ships.
His fans left a sour taste in my mouth too. Basically, they were a bunch of smuggo music theorists all gleefully lapping up each device knowing that, in their heart of hearts, they were much smarter than everyone else. I wanted some punks to come in and start kicking the jam outta these po-faced spods. If you like Ben Folds, you probably like musicals… and if you like musicals… then you shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a record player for the rest of your days.

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday November 21st, 2007 at 1:22 pm