Like Christmas, and the future, Halloween is really a time for the children. It is a time when they get to dress up, annoy people and get sweets for their trouble. That’s a pretty good deal if you’re a kid.
If you’re not a kid - and are not suffering from a severe case of arrested development - it’s all a bit of a drag. Or is that just me? ANYWAY. With children and fear the main elements in any good (bad) Halloween, here, in no particular order because I can’t really be bothered, are the top 10 freakiest little blighters in music.

Aaron Carter
MOST. TEUTONIC. NIPPER. EVER (pictured right).
Kriss Kross
Aw, look at the wittle rapping boys. How cu- WAIT! HALF OF THEIR BODIES ARE THE WRONG WAY ROUND!
Vanessa Paradis
I remember when “Joe Le Taxi” came out. It was OK for me to fancy the French popstrel, because I was - well, let’s just say I was at an age when I was allowed to fancy schoolgirls. I’m guessing there were a fair few older men who didn’t feel quite as shameless in their admiration for the now Mrs. Depp.
St. Winifred’s School Choir
If I was a Grandparent, this would constitute too much love for me to bear. Needy little gits.
Lil Chris
I have a grown-up colleague who fancies him. And not even the new, voice-broken version - the young, squeaky-voiced incarnation. Ew.

Marie & Donny Osmond
Mormon children? Sounds like a horror film just waiting to be made.
S Club Juniors
“S Club Seven are too old. They’re smoking weed. We need to replace them. Go to the laboratory and make a mini version. Except this time I want EIGHT of them.”
The school choir from Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick In The Wall”
“Woi dahn’t need now, edjukayshun…” The papers reckon teachers these days have a hard time. Pity the poor bastard who had to try and teach these children algebra after they’d returned from chanting such The Man-hating sentiments during the recording of 1979’s The Wall album.
The kids from that “Cry Little Sister” song that was in The Lost Boys
“Thouuu shaaall not die…” Gerard McCann’s one hit - which wasn’t even a hit, as far as I know - proves the “children’s choirs are inherently creepy” rule very effectively.
Fergie
Fergie’s scary because it reminds you that even the sweetest little thing can grow up to sing lyrics based around her lovely lady lumps…

[video provided by Kids Incorporated]

Possibly related:

1. The Langley Schools Music Project: Children + David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” = Poo In Pants

2. Idolator counts down the worst music-related Halloween costumes

3. Michael Jackson “Wacko Jacko” Halloween Mask - almost as scary as real-life version

4. My Chemical Toilet’s Halloween Playlist

5. Shakira’s knockers save some small children

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Posted by mofgimmers on Wednesday October 31st, 2007 at 11:30 am