Pop Hell: The Oscars Best Song Nominations - just how bad are they, and which will win the Academy Award?

dion Pop Hell: The Oscars Best Song Nominations just how bad are they, and which will win the Academy Award? Honestly, as if sitting through and liveblogging The Brits the other night wasn’t enough, now I’ve sat through the nominees for “Best Music (Song)” at this year’s Oscars. This experience took about a tenth as much time, but was significantly more arduous. That gives you an idea of what’s up for the golden statuette in the field of music this year.
I’ve applied a series of rigorous scientific tests to each ditty, most of which are derived from The Celine Dion Formula For Oscar Success. You can read my findings and then listen to each song below, should you wish to subject yourself to such an ordeal. Off we go:
”Falling Slowly” from Once
Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Who sings it? Glen Hansard, who you may remember from such movies as The Commitments and… um… Once.

How enamoured is it with the glory of love? Extremely. We’re talking acoustic guitar-levels of enamouration here.

How likely is it to become an anthem for recently-dumped females? Pretty good chance. It is “sensitive”, after all.
Could Celine Dion have performed it? Far too understated for old Canada Lungs. More up Damien Rice’s alley.
Will it win? Unlikely.
Should it win? Given what else is up, yes.

[video: FoxSearchlight]
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”Happy Working Song” from Enchanted
Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
Who sings it? Amy Adams.
How enamoured is it with the glory of love?
Love is icky in this world. It’s more enamoured with… working? Like that song by the seven dwarves, I suppose.
How likely is it to become an anthem for recently-dumped females? Only extremely bipolar ones.
Could Celine Dion have performed it? Only in your worst nightmare.
Will it win? Let’s hope not.
Should it win? No. Songs about working should be outlawed (except Dolly Parton’s “Nine To Five”, course).

[video: monkeyjonas88]
”Raise It Up” from August Rush
Music and Lyric by Jamal Joseph, Charles Mack and Tevin Thomas
Who sings it? Impact, apparently. Me neither.

How enamoured is it with the glory of love? Moderately. I think it’s more keen on rising above things. Like adversity and whatnot.
How likely is it to become an anthem for recently-dumped females? Fair chance, as long as it’s during the period when they’ve made it through the rain, etc.
Could Celine Dion have performed it? She could murder it quite effectively, actually.
Will it win? “Urban” types rising above stuff? Always going to be in the running.
Should it win? Meh.

[Video: henry81126]
”So Close” from Enchanted. Again.
Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz

Who sings it? John McLaughlin, the big drip.
How enamoured is it with the glory of love? Utterly. Think Luther Vandross, in a Valentine’s heart, in a box of chocolates, in Paris, on a four-poster bed, in a bunch of twelve red roses. On a honeymoon.
How likely is it to become an anthem for recently-dumped females? Probably not angry / miserable enough. This is for 14 year-olds who are yet to have their hearts smashed up.
Could Celine Dion have performed it? She’s probably spitting Canadian chips right now that she didn’t.
Will it win? Given the world we live in, it has an extremely good chance,
Should it win? No. Please, no.

[video: hollywoodlauren2238]
”That’s How You Know” from Enchanted. Again.
Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
Who sings it? That Amy Adams again.
How enamoured is it with the glory of love? Extremely. But the kind of love with no fluids, infections or weekends spent traipsing around DIY stores.
How likely is it to become an anthem for recently-dumped females? There is not nearly enough mental anguish here for that kind of thing.
Could Celine Dion have performed it? No, mercifully.
Will it win? It is a sprightly and traditional musical number, so could benefit from the upsurge in musicals’ popularity.
Should it win? Wouldn’t be the end of the world, I suppose. But it’s no “Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky)”.

[video: Tennor1]