Did you hear? Bobert Williams (right, click image to enlarge) has been spotted out and about in Los Angeles dressed in a gorilla suit and sunglasses. Some people - unnamed, of course - reckon it’s the first time he’s left his California home in three months.
OK, coupla things.
Thing Number One: In this day and age, when even your gran has a cameraphone, and when no Z-lister leaves the tanning salon without a trail of paps following them - how are there no photos of Robbie Williams in a gorilla suit? Er, not sure how we’d tell it was him inside it, granted; but it’s a little odd there doesn’t appear to be a single snap of such Grade-A oddness.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday September 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm

(click image to enlarge)
The key to figuring out who done a guff-guff in this scenario is, as always, the smiles. Katy Perry, normally so full of vim and funtimes, has apparently been frozen into a rictus statue. Why? She just got a whiff, that’s why, and not of Old Spice. She doesn’t know what to do. Jools Holland, meanwhile, is stood next to the hottest pop star on the planet right now - a rather pretty one to boot - and yet his expression says: “That… that smell - it’s BBC canteen cabbage, I’m sure it is. I stopped eating there years ago, and I know Katy had sushi, so…”
So indeed, Jools. So indeed. David Gilmour looks rather pleased with himself, doesn’t he? He’s exhibiting none of the discomfort we see on the faces of his counterparts. He’s luxuriating in a post-blast high. He farted.

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday September 25th, 2008 at 10:35 am

Right, mini-rant time - why isn’t Santogold (left, click to enlarge) massive already? Or is she massive, and I just missed it? She’s too good to be kept as some indie-hipster secret, so the news that she’s just been added to the BBC Electric Proms could just be the little extra push to force her into the minds and ears of, like, everyone. But then she has appeared on a zillion ad/TV soundtracks already and that didn’t seem to work, so…
Santi will appear at London’s Roundhouse on the same night as The Streets, again seemingly being herded into the hip-hop category to which she so blatantly does not belong, and which so raised her ire earlier this year. Surely she’d fit more with the Goldfrapp show the preceding night?
Whatever, let’s hope it increases exposure for her album, because it deserves it.
Buy tickets for The Streets and Santogold at London Roundhouse here

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday September 25th, 2008 at 10:00 am

How many films has Guy Richie directed by now? And people still seem to think he’s poo, even after all those tries. That makes me wonder how good a film director Mr. 50 Cent (right, click image to enlarge) can be, given that he’s never even done it once before.
However I shan’t - SHAN’T - have long to find out, assuming I am willing to shell out numerous pences to go and see his forthcoming moviefilm. And he’s got to start somewhere, hasn’t he? How else is he going to be ready to helm Tristram Shandy a few years hence, as is so clearly his destiny?

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday September 24th, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Part of 2008’s Levi’s OnesToWatch 5 Night Revue, which last year boasted such as-yet unknowns as Foals, The Wombats and Ida Maria, the acts on this particular bill couldn’t really have been much further apart stylistically.
The deal with Micachu is this. Micachu is a young lady who seems to record as Micachu. But Micachu also seems to be a band comprised of Micachu and a keyboardist and a drummer, who go by the name of The Shapes. So on the poster they’re called Micachu, but from the stage lead singer Mica (left - click image to enlarge) refers to them as Micachu and The Shapes. How very confusing it all is.
Anyway, whoever the hell Micachu is/are, it’s a fascinating spectacle to see them onstage. Mica uses a wee guitar, with what appears to be a shoelace as a guitar strap, and sings in that accented east London manner we’ve become used to over the last few years.
Keyboardist Raisa applies synthy flourishes but also joins in on percussion, banging away on a couple of upturned wine bottles. Drummer Marc, meanwhile, controls the bewildering changes of time signature while sprinkling helpings of cowbell and old tin cans over the whole confection.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday September 24th, 2008 at 12:11 pm

By which I don’t mean Janelle Monáe eats too many Wagon Wheels. What I mean is - look at her. Is that not the look of a born pop star?
My “bang on trend” colleagues at Catwalk Queen certainly think so, anyway - they’ve devoted one of their galleries to her. Ain’t no higher praise than that in the fashionline world, you know.
Monáe’s music ain’t at all bad either, fortunately, although appearances in GQ will always skew the coverage one receives towards being judged on appearance as opposed to talent.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday September 24th, 2008 at 10:00 am

Click the image below to see a thorough batch of evidence demonstrating Sir Cliff’s heterosexuality.

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday September 23rd, 2008 at 11:00 am

The lesson to be learned from this story, I think, is basically that if you create a law related to smoking, Snoop Dogg will break it. The erstwhile weed-addled rapper foreswore the green a while back, if you believe that, but clearly hasn’t given up the ciggies.
Onstage in Amsterdam Snoop sparked up a fag (THAT’S BRITISH SLANG FOR CIGARETTE, AMERICANS) despite the country having brought in a UK-style smoking ban in July this year. Ironically, if Snoop had hit one of the infamous coffee shops in the city he’d have been able to draw on a pure spliff with no hassle, because all marijuana in the establishments must now be imbibed without tobacco. Not that it matters really, it’s not like he was ever going to be arrested.
God, am I really writing an article about someone smoking a cigarette? Is this the world we’re living in now? I’m sorry. But anyway, let’s hope they make it illegal to smoke through your bum while perched up a tree real soon, because withing months we’ll be spotting Snoop pulling some delightfully odd manoeuvres in a public park.
[source: Starpulse.com]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday September 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 am

Before today I hadn’t heard of The Airborne Toxic Event. There’s a good chance I wouldn’t have heard of them if Pitchfork had given them a 9/10 review, either, since I don’t read that particular oracle so much these days.
However, the band was actually on the wrong end of a rating of 1.6 from writer Ian Cohen for their eponymous debut album. That’s 1.6 out of 10. Even for Pitchfork, that’s pret-ty brutal. So brutal, in fact, that the band decided to respond - not with a foul-mouthed onstage outburst, or a childish “Get In The Ring”-style track, but with a rather dignified open letter. Quaint, no?

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday September 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 am

LISTEN TO YOURSELF, GEORGE.
[click image to enlarge]

[image: RexFeatures]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday September 23rd, 2008 at 9:30 am