It’s official - Coldplay are the most boring band in the whole world

I knew someone somewhere would prove that Coldplay were the dullest band in the history of music. To be honest, I thought it would be scientists who proved it… but as it turns out, it’s the people who run Lenny Henry’s fave ho(s)tel, Travelodge. In a survey, Coldplay is the preferred music choice to send us off to sleep at night. Now, you might think that this means ‘they sound lovely and snuggly wuggly’, but I know what they’re getting at. It means that only 3 seconds of a Coldplay song is needed to send you into unconsciousness. If listening doesn’t work, you could always beat yourself to a slump with their CDs.
However, they’re not the only band dull enough to send you snoozeward.

If might not surprise you that James Blunt, Snow Patrol, Take That and Norah Jones completed the “kip parade” top five. Leigh McCarron of Travelodge said: “The research shows that we are increasingly relying on slow, sleepy music to take our minds off the pressures of modern living, to help us switch off and get to sleep at night. Coldplay… seem to hit just the right spot among Britain’s insomniacs.” Yeah, I know what you’re really getting at sunshine.
Funnily enough, I spend nights on end awake, crying, merely thinking about these bands and artistes. Personally, if I was one of these bands, I’d be highly offended by this list. I mean, c’mon! Future Sound of London said it best when Gary Cobain spat “I don’t want people making love to my records… I want them to make people impotent!”
[via Yahoo!]