Sonic Stereotypes: Sneering Record Shop Man

When I was about 15, I went into Vinyl Exchange in Manchester. It was the first time I’d gone record shopping in a city after cutting my teeth in my local (and brilliant) X Records. Unaided and green, after a fruitless search amongst the racks, I went up to the counter and asked “Excuse me, do you have The Palace of Gilded Sin by The Burritos?” I was quickly met with “The Gilded Palace of Sin - The Flying Burrito Brothers. Classic. I can’t believe you don’t own it already.” And so, my 15 year-old self met Sneering Record Shop Man for the first time.
Despite my anger (I mean, I was 15 and asking for a great record that should have been met with ‘Jeez! That’s an excellent choice… lemme fish it out for you and give you some more tips like this… you’re only young and buying stuff like this? There’s hope for us yet!’) I didn’t let it put me off going into the belly of muso-ville (although in fairness, I’ve never stepped foot in Vinyl Exchange since) and I soon found out that Sneering Record Shop Man wasn’t the property of one place.

Mostly, record shopping is a hugely pleasurable experience for me. The only headache I usually get is “Damn! I have £50 to spend and £300 worth of records I want!”, but that’s a nice headache. Mostly, staff are friendly, helpful and up for a chat about just about anything. Record shop staff are usually well up on current affairs as they spend a lot of time reading newspapers and magazines in the quiet spells on a Thursday afternoon or whatever.
However.
There’s a breed of record shop worker that feels angry at the world. It’s not clear what drives these people to such anger. Maybe they’re a failed musician. Maybe they’re angry at the state of pop. But these people need to get one-up on the rest of the world. Now, I know my stuff. I’m stupidly well-read when it comes to music and have a collection of tunes that could make you vomit with envy… but as I don’t want to permanently sport a black eye, I tend to play down the whole thing. Not only that, the best thing about music is the sharing. That’s not the attitude of Sneering Record Shop Man. SRSM wants you to fuggin’ grovel at his feet.
SRSM - “What do you mean you think ALL prog is rubbish? Don’t you think large chunks of Hendrix is prog? Betcha like him don’t you? Haven’t you heard Dr. Stragely Strange?! Not even ‘Cat Food’ by King Crimson? (throws arms up) I’m wasting my time here!”
Customer - “Shut up. I jus’ wanna buy this album by David Axelrod”
SRSM - “…which I suppose you’re buying because you’ve heard hip-hop types talking about his breaks… well, fine, £9.99 please - CASH ONLY.”
If you meet these people, don’t let them put you off.