Should Rihanna dump Chris Brown and go out with me instead?

me and rihanna and not chris brown Should Rihanna dump Chris Brown and go out with me instead?
Now, hold on. I know that headline looks shockingly opportunistic given the fact nobody has yet been found guilty of anything following Rihanna’s alleged beating at the hands of R&B Chris, Chris Brown.
However, even before this alleged event I suspected the expressionless Barbadian beauty would be better off with me. It’s not rocket science, guys. Check out what I can offer after the jump, and VOTE IN MY POLL.

So, things I can offer Rihanna include, but are not limited to:
- The ability to cook at least four different dishes. The kitchen of my rented flat also includes a dishwasher
- As much positive blog coverage of herself as she desires, as well as plenty of negative blog coverage of Chris Brown
- A promise to remark on her slightly funny-shaped head only in the context that it is “cute”
- Free snuggles
- An umbrella under which she is welcome to shelter should she encounter stormy weather (whether literal or figurative)
- Excellent transport links to London’s West End
- “GSOH”
It’s a pretty impressive package, I think you’ll agree. Yes you will. YOU WILL.
OK, I suppose you’re entitled to your opinion. As such please cast it in my poll below. Just consider this: if we all work together I could end up with Rihanna as my girlfriend. Isn’t that something you want to see?