Sonic Stereotypes - The Critic | My Chemical Toilet

Sonic Stereotypes - The Critic

critic Sonic Stereotypes The Critic Everyone is at the party man! Everyone is having fun! One gal, dancing in the corner isn’t really into the tunes but she’s into getting drunk and having a bit of a dance with her mates. Those kids over there… they’re having a ball! Wasted, dancing to generic third rate indie crap… and loving it! These are the people who will get the girls. The one person who won’t is sat in the corner, drinking to deal with everything. Jeez. Nothing is good enough for him… man… he tried to put on some obscure Egyptian prog on before but we soon dealt with that.
Yep. We all know a Critic (or in my case, I just look in the mirror at my long face). No band or DJ is ever gonna cut it. Obsessive about styles of music that barely exist and long for a glorious time when pop was cutting edge and people wore their clothes with real panache. Of course, this time didn’t really exist either. The Critic knows this, but will never let on. “Jeez… stop listening to that crap… the MC5 is where it’s at…”

Of course, The Critic can turn you on to some great records. The Critic can take you to brilliant clubs full of brilliant people who really care. They get their kicks jus’ like anyone else… but boy, why don’t they go outside the house more often? Well, y’see… I’m waiting for a parcel which is gonna be delivered today I think… it’s an LP of Albanian Gyspy Disco and it’s gonna blow yer goddamn brains out…”.
Sadly, The Critic cares too much. It would take a bag of pills the size of your head to make them dance to The Beatles (’they’re too obvious’) but once they get going, they will dance harder and longer than anyone else and do it with an incredible amount of guilt and shame. You see, being a critic is almost like being a Catholic. For every ounce of fun you have, you have to go home and do a Hail Mary with a Frank Zappa LP.
The best way to deal with these people (and their mental notepads) is to tell them that, even though they may deem the music on offer as ‘not cool’, it doesn’t matter. “I love this record… it’s a guilty pleasure”. There’s no comeback. The Critic thrives on people saying “I know it’s crap… but I LOVE IT!” This gives ammo. “Ah, you’ve already said it’s crap, so why bother?” Basically, if you see me at a party, just ignore me. Or better still, let me DJ. You won’t regret it. I might just play Easy Lover if I’m in a good mood.