I had a mental week last week. I was out the other night telling everyone about it, expecting everyone to be all like, "Wow man, you're the coolest. You're as cool as candy. Dude, you're a cooligan".

That's what people usually say to me whenever I say pretty much anything. But oh no, some foo' tried to steal my thunder between May 5th - 9th. They're all like, "Shut the f*ck up. DMX done out diddy done done you this week, and that's for realziosity."

I was like, "whuh?" Then I read what DMX done done diddy done done last week, and I have to give him at least two props. He made an effort. It's almost too close to call, in fact. I'll let you decide - after the jump you can see what I got up to last week, put up against what DMX done done done done.

Monday

DMX: Nothing to report.

Me: Bank holiday. Pottered about.

Tuesday

DMX: After being clocked driving at 114mph, arrested on suspicion of criminal speeding, public endangerment, reckless driving, driving on a suspended sentence.

Me: Went to work. Went home. Read my book.

Wednesday

DMX: Nothing to report.

Me: Went to work. Went to the park on the way home. Read my book in the park. Went home.

Thursday

DMX: Nothing to report.

Me: Went to work. Went home. Looked for new flats on the internet.

Friday

DMX: Home raided by Maricopa County sheriffs in connection with suspicions relating to animal cruelty and drug possession. Hid in bedroom. Had weaponry, marijuana and five pitbull puppies confiscated. Bailed on $7,500 bond, ordered to appear in court 15th on May.

Me: Went to work. Went out for a few drinks after work. Went home. Watched Peep Show.

It's close, isn't it? Basically, until I know what DMX got up to on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, the jury's out. My book is pretty exciting though, and I'm only half-way through.

[via The Guardian]