My Chemical Toilet

"Greatest Duets List" scandalously omits Paula Abdul and her cartoon pussy

What's you favourite duet? Mine is "Opposites Attract", by Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat. For some hellish reason, this number does not show up on RetroCrush's otherwise very impressive collection of The 25 Greatest Duets Of All Time.

So what will you find on the list? It's a wide-ranging one, for sure. Nestling next to Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand you'll find John Lydon & Afrika Bambaataa, for instance. Now there's a supergroup I'd like to see. And obviously you'll find Dolly and Kenny - pictured above at their post-fight press conference - in there as well.

RetroCrush have very kindly provided videos for each and every song they cover, so you could pretty much spend the rest of the day on there if you have nothing better to do. But when you're done, do check out Abdul & Scat Cat. She don't like cigarettes but he likes to smoke, you know.

[via Pop Candy]

Ten Things We Learned From The Brits 2008 That We Already Knew

1. Having the biggest-selling pop single of the year is no guarantee of Brits success, as Leona Lewis discovered

2. Having the best pop single of the year is no guarantee of Brits success, as Rihanna discovered

3. If you open the voting for Best Single to the great unwashed, Housewives' Choice will win, as Take That discovered

4. You don't need to be particularly British, or a singer, or a proper solo artist, or make an album of original material to win Best British male, as Mark Ronson discovered

Ten of the worst decisions in the history of The Grammys

Big Fucking Grammy This Sunday sees the annual Grammy Awards ceremony in Los Angeles. The following day will see music fans (and possibly snubbed nominees) moaning and whining about how old-fashioned and out-of-touch the awards are. This is the accepted cycle for many music awards shows, but none inspire wrath and bemusement quite as effectively as the Grammys - probably because, despite everything, winning one is still seen as the pinnacle of an artist's career.

I remember I used to really root for any British acts nominated for a Grammy, especially in the 90s, when UK music had an even tougher time breaking the US than it does now. Nowadays I attach very little importance to any awards, but especially not the Grammys.

You just have to look at some of the nominations for this year's awards to get some idea of how bizarrely wrong-headed the whole deal is.

Feist is up for Best New Artist - for her third solo album. And when you think of 2007's Best Male Pop artist, who springs to mind? No offence to the Sir - but for me, it ain't Paul McCartney. How about Album Of The Year? Would you place offerings from Herbie Hancock and Vince Gill amongst the contenders? What do you mean you haven't heard (of) them?! Even the unstoppable Kanye West's eight nominations look a bit odd - Graduation is his weakest album to date, no?

To be fair the Alternative and Dance categories have some decent acts - Lily Allen, The Shins, White Stripes, Bjork, Justice, Chemical Brothers and LCD Soundsystem are as close as you'll get to cutting edge at this year's Grammys.

Anyway, to get you in the mood for Sunday's 2008 wrongfest, let's have a little run-through some of the most bewildering decisions made at the Grammys over the years. Click through for ten reasons to lower your expectations...

The best of 2007 according to Pitchfork, Stereogum, Rolling Stone

People say that porn makes up like a gazillion percent of the traffic on this dear old internet of ours, but I reckon end-of-year music blog lists must run it pretty close. I'm not complaining - if stuff passes you by during the year, Christmas can be a good time to catch up on what you've missed, since you can be sure there are plenty of spods out there willing to tell you what you should have been listening to.

Pitchfork is still the biggie, really. As usual, they've got a juicy Top 100 Tracks Of 2007 list for you to wade through, along with links to places you can hear said tunes. I spent an unnatural time on their list last year, and will probably do the same this.

Who could play Slash in the movie adaptation of his autobiography?

Rumours are abounding that Slash's fabulous-sounding autobiography - and if anyone wants to send me a copy, please feel free - could be made into a film. Sadly he reckons he'd need to change the names of the famous and guilty, but I don't think that would matter. We'd be able to work out who the ginger egomaniac in the white cycling shorts is supposed to be.

So, with that in mind, who would make the ideal Slash? Or "character based on Saul Hudson"? I've wittled down the top 872 contenders to an elite of 5. They are:

Russell Brand

I've been hearing for about 12 years that he's supposed to be playing a rock star in some Hollywood film or other. Add to that his own adventures in druggy shagging, and you have a serious, big-haired contender. May need to bulk up a touch.

Sir Anthony Hopkins

This guy can do the whole lot! I can see him with the fag, shades and frightwig right now. And I would dearly, dearly love to see him do the whole "tiny little men with guns in the lounge" hallucination episode.

Halloween Bandwagon: The Top 10 Scariest Children In Music

Like Christmas, and the future, Halloween is really a time for the children. It is a time when they get to dress up, annoy people and get sweets for their trouble. That's a pretty good deal if you're a kid.

If you're not a kid - and are not suffering from a severe case of arrested development - it's all a bit of a drag. Or is that just me? ANYWAY. With children and fear the main elements in any good (bad) Halloween, here, in no particular order because I can't really be bothered, are the top 10 freakiest little blighters in music.

Aaron Carter

MOST. TEUTONIC. NIPPER. EVER (pictured right).

Kriss Kross

Aw, look at the wittle rapping boys. How cu- WAIT! HALF OF THEIR BODIES ARE THE WRONG WAY ROUND!

Vanessa Paradis

I remember when "Joe Le Taxi" came out. It was OK for me to fancy the French popstrel, because I was - well, let's just say I was at an age when I was allowed to fancy schoolgirls. I'm guessing there were a fair few older men who didn't feel quite as shameless in their admiration for the now Mrs. Depp.

St. Winifred's School Choir

If I was a Grandparent, this would constitute too much love for me to bear. Needy little gits.

Lil Chris

I have a grown-up colleague who fancies him. And not even the new, voice-broken version - the young, squeaky-voiced incarnation. Ew.

Top 5 Ways of discovering new music online (that aren't iTunes, MySpace, Pandora or Last.fm)

I don't proclaim to be a particularly techy sort - if I was I'd be writing here instead - but one thing I am fascinated by is the number of ways you can find and listen to new music online. It seems like every month a number of decent new web applications pop up specifically to benefit people who want to discover and enjoy music they haven't heard before.

In a move that will quite possibly enrage anyone who uses sites that aren't listed below, here is my ridiculously reductive list of cool ways to discover new music online (I've excluded iTunes, MySpace, Pandora or Last.fm because they're pretty well-known by now):

1. The Hype Machine
As far as bloggers and their readers go, this is the daddy. It indexes hundreds of MP3 blogs, and, more importantly, the MP3 files they post. Which means you can search for your desired artist and you can be pretty confident that you'll find at least a few tracks worth checking out. It also has a splendid pop-up flash player which you can listen to as you surf other sites. In no way do we condone clicking on the individual blogs and then downloading the tracks they have posted.

Visit The Hype Machine

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