Festivals are great. Lots of music, lots of smiling people wanting to see lots of music and, if the mood takes you, three whole days of getting horrendously wasted with your mates. That said, there are probably more negatives when attending a festival.

People don't prepare you for this and if they do, they only mention the toilets and the overpriced grub. So let's have a look at some of the things that you have to endure during the festival season.

"Bolloooocks"

After a heavy day trudging around and drinking too much, you wanna get your head down. No chance. If your ears have managed to block out the bass from the food stalls, then waves of 'bollocks' hit and ensure a restless night. For some reason, at all festivals, someone will shout "bolloooocks" encouraging whole fields to join in. Now, everyone I've ever met at a festival hates this... so who is doing it? Well...

Drunk Students

The scum of the Earth. Drunk students can make for a miserable festival experience. Shouting "bollooooocks" and playing Wonderwall on acoustic guitars (invariably not tuned) at 4am makes any hippie ethos dissolve into a pool of burning hatred. Not only that, these morons are ALWAYS the idiots who trip over your guy ropes on your tent and can be found splashing around in mud like they're the first people to have thought of it. They are also responsible for the popularity of Feeder and Stereophonics. Hanging's too good for 'em.

Legs of lead

Going to a festival means that you will spend all your time on your feet. This means, come the headline act on Saturday, your legs will be filled with porridge and lead meaning that only class A drugs will enable you to dance around. Come Monday, you'll be wanting them lopped off.

Smooth skin syndrome

Now, braving the elements for days on end leaves your skin smooth and dry. Rolling cigarettes is nigh on impossible toward the middle of the weekend as you begin to feel like some offshore fisherman... all ruddy and cracked. Ironically, the only wet bit of your body is your feet... and they've got trench-foot.

Bad sound/ Bad view

When you see helicopter views of festival crowds, you marvel at the spectacle. "I wonder what it's like being there?" Answer - A bit crap. Unless you get down the front, the view is terrible... and chances are you'll end up behind the 7ft tall bloke with an afro and a top-hat. Add to this, the sound is usually awful. The wind plays tricks on the music coming out of the speakers and you end up only hearing snippets of your fave songs. Of course, the wind effect only applies to you if you're stood a mile away from the stage... in which case, everyone around is chattering far too loudly.

That's just a few of the festival hardships... do you have any more?

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