Oh dear oh dear. If Bon Jovi wrote a song about the American version of Maxim, it would certainly include the line "you give hacks a bad name". Why? Well, said rag has been forced to say a great big sorry to The Black Crowes after it reviewed and rated their latest LP Warpaint. So. Did they give it a needless kicking? Worse than that, they managed to review it without having even listened to the it. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Warpaint is the Crowes’ first rekkid in seven years, and Maxim gave it a 2.5 star rating. What set alarm bells off in Camp Crowe was the fact that there were no promo copies of the album released. Nor was it available on the net anywhere. The Black Crowes blasted the review on their website, stating: "Incredulously, the magazine gave the album a two-and-a-half star rating, although neither the writer nor the editor could have heard more than one song - the single ‘Goodbye Daughters of the Revolution.’" Their manager went further, stating that Maxim was "a disgrace to the arts, journalism, critics, the publication itself and the public."

Read over for Maxim's response, and five reviews of albums I've never heard.

Maxim, red-faced and pants well and truly down, shoved editorial director James Kaminsky out into the cold to say: "It is Maxim's editorial policy to assign star ratings only to those albums that have been heard in their entirety. Unfortunately, that policy was not followed in the March 2008 issue of our magazine and we apologise to our readers."

I fear this won't be the last we'll hear of this. So, jumping on the bandwagon, here are some reviews of records I've never heard (and quite possibly don't exist)

Girls Aloud 'Re-tarred'

The Gals are back with their 10th outing and this time they've gone asphalt mad! Lead single 'Ta, Mac!' is a Led Zep-styled, riff-heavy prog workout that features the cheeky line of "Drive your Humvee into my pothole you dirty bugger!". Album closer 'A Tribute To Miles Davis' features the now re-married Cheryl Cole playing some 'mean-ass' horn.

Elvis Presley - 'Cyborg Rock'

The now 're-animated' King of Pop releases his third album in his robot guise. 'Cryogenic Blues' and 'Don't Step On My Blue Suede Moogs' are stand-out tracks worthy of the top spot.

The Black Crowes - 'Warpaint'

2.5 stars.

Creepy Fiddle Bass 2000 - 'Riddle Dee Reek'

Retro winner of The X Factor C-Bass brings his unique aquatic slant to synth-led disco country once more, pairing up with ageing rocker Will Young on 'Young's Prawn Under A Bad Sign' and 'Cincinnati Squid'. Could do better though, as seafaring puns are tiresome.

Kylie - 'Fizzwanng'

Brave Kylie comes back with another comeback album, this time taking on Status Quo. Bar-room boogie clashes with electronic bossa nova, as heard on her recent numberoneinthedownloadcharts, 'El R.S.I Minha'.

[via Gigwise]

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