Paul Roffey went to Knowsley Hall on Saturday, and got in touch to undergo a bit of In-Tents Questioning. His opinions about one artist in particular are sufficiently strong that he has felt the need to sport a disguise, lest he be tracked down by disgruntled fans.

At this point *dons lawyer's briefcase* I should point out that any opinions about Pete Wylie expressed heretoforewhenceforth are those of the respondent and not My Chemical Toilet or Shiny Media or any of its employees or employees' friends or employees' friends' family / pets *puts down lawyer's briefcase*.

1. Kindly tell us your name, age and where you’re from. Now.

Paul Roffey, 28, from Didsbury in Manchester.

2. Which festival have you recently attended?

Knowsley Hall on Saturday.

3. Have you attended this festival before? If yes, how does this year compare?

No, it’s the first time. I’ve been to Knowsley before to see the monkeys, so you could say yes I have been before, but there wasn’t any music on.

4. Which act gave the best performance, and why?

The best performance was by The Coral. The Who were good, although I didn’t want to like them as much as I did because I think they're past it now. But they were good.

5. If you could have promoted one act on the bill to headline status, who would you choose? Why?

The Coral. They were excellent and had good support, being Liverpudlian. But then it rained during the Who so The Coral probably got the bigger crowd anyway, so were in a way headlining.

6. Did your opinion of any acts change radically as a result of their performance?

Yes, I used to think Pete Wylie and the Mighty Wah were rubbish. Now I think they are absolutely rubbish.

7. Nicest surprise / biggest disappointment (music-related or otherwise)?

Nicest surprise was that I got the ticket half-price at £20 – bargain! Biggest disappointment was the beer tents. Where do I start?? I have been to several festivals over the years and they always get it wrong with beer tents - why do festival organisers never ever realise that British people like beer; wet, cold and in large quantities. If they had more tents and staff they would sell more beer. It took about an hour-and-a-half to get served after queuing, and then the power went off and only warm bottles of Stella at £3 a go were available.

Also I actually saw the situation with the guy who died. Quite upsetting and sad to see on what was on the whole a good day... apart from the beer tents. Oh yes, and the parking, but you can't really help the rain, can you? But maybe they could think on as to how to get cars out of a car park, that would help.

8. What was the best heckle you heard?

The best heckle I heard was from my girlfriend - she shouted "Get on with it" as I was queuing for beer…

9. Any high-quality onstage banter you feel deserves highlighting?

Pete Wylie. He is excellent. Truly a mythical figure of the music scene.

(Note to readers: given the other Pete Wylie-related sentiments expressed during this questionnaire, the above may be an example of sarcasm)

10. What was the funniest moment (music-related or otherwise)?

The funniest moment was when Pete Wylie walked onstage. I thought "you guys, that’s funny - pretending Pete Wylie's going to play"... He only did, he only went on for about an hour. He has four guitarists you know, all playing exactly the same thing.

11. Weirdest moment (if different)?

The weirdest moment was seeing a girl trying to go to the toilet against a fence.

12. Any moments of sheer terror you’d like to share?

Pete Wylie coming on stage. Am I being totally unfair to Pete Wylie? I don’t even know who he is, but 20,000 scousers seemed to.

13. Anything you wish you’d brought with you?

A plastic bag to sit on while it was dry, and a plastic bag to put on my head when the heavens opened!

14. Anything you wish you’d left behind?

My girlfriend - she complained all the way home about being damp and wet, and having aching legs from standing up, and being thirsty because the beer queues were too long.

15. Please mark the following elements out of 10, with any comments:

Crowd / audience:

8/10. Were very quiet until The View came on, but picked up from then on.

Food and drink value for money:

2/10. Usual overpriced beer and rubbish food you get at festivals, but this is to be expected – what you don’t expect is to also queue for an aeon to get it.

16. Finally – anything else you’d like to mention?

Looking back at my review it sounds like a bad event - in actual fact it wasn’t too bad. You can't help the rain obviously, but the major problem was the queues. The parking was made worse by the weather, and camping would ease this situation.

I think they should definitely do it again. Put a couple more decent bands on as opposed to bands from the lower ranks. Not having it on the same weekend as Glastonbury may help. And for Pete Wylie's sake - get more beer tents! MORE BEER TENTS! Are you listening?! Thanks everybody and Sorry Mr Wylie for any offence, but retire.

Thanks for taking part in our humble questionnaire. Your place in heaven is assured (assuming you haven’t previously murdered anyone).

Have you attended a festival? Would you like to undergo some In-Tents Questioning? Get in touch at stuart(at)shinymedia.com! You too could see yourself all up in the internet! "Woot"!

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Comments

OMG.... you are a beautiful. I would stay in your tent anyday....

Posted by: Linda Lusardi | June 28, 2025 9:46 AM

OMG is that jack black wearing a wig?

Posted by: Kyle Gass | July 3, 2025 2:09 PM

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