Every hipster in the world is telling me that I should like The Knife. Well, I got news for you bucko, I can't bear 'em. They make my shit itch they're so bad. They're a mixture of two of my most loathed things: The 80s and bad electronic music. Now, don't get me wrong on the latter, I love electronic music... just not electronic music that sounds like a horrendous 80s disco with a sniff of trance about it. I lived through the 80s, unlike most of the people who dig The Knife and can vouch that there is nothing to promote. The 80s was the worst musical decade in history.

With they're clacking beats and ro-mo synths, The Knife are the most post modern band on the planet. They're so post modern that they probably say po-mo instead. Well, in retort, I say fu-yu. When listening to The Knife, I'm hit with images of drab foppish men in frilly shirts and leather pants sporting a bit of lippy in an attempt to show how arty and risque they are. It's like early Spandau Ballet records all over again.

I mean, who listens to this shit? Sure, you can have functioning ears... but your heart clearly doesn't work. It's the musical equivalent of polystyrene. I was originally going to say bubble-wrap, but bubble-wrap is fun like good pop music should be. No, there's nothing you can say to me to convince me about this godawful band. I can't wait for this 80s resurgence to pass. I can start leaving the house again... unless a 90s revival is on it's way.

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