We all know that it's nice to stand out at festivals. Be it with some amusing t-shirt or a novelty hat (that makes passers-by spit with fury), we all love to stick out like sore thumbs. Our clothes aren't the only thing to get us noticed... not now 'glamping' is around. "Glamping"? What the bloody hell is "glamping"? Well, shamefully, someone has come up with the term to highlight those of you who like to add glamour to your mud-drenched festival experience.

Now, I'm almost certain that glamping (it really doesn't get any more fun the more you type it) isn't a reference to Kim and Aggie's Pearl-sewn welly-boots on How Clean Is Your House? Rather, glamping sees glampers (or "tossers" as they're more commonly known) fanning themselves with paper fans and sitting in designer tents... possibly sipping Pimms and lemonade. Argh. Whatever happened to cider and a dog on a string?

Of course, having a nice-looking tent is nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, there have been a few featured on My Chemical Toilet over the months haven't there? But when is it taken too far? Almost every festival I've ever attended has had some young pups trying to lord it up. These people are usually called Simon or Jemima or something. Dollying around the swathes of mud and spent condoms acting all Oscar Wilde 'decadent'. This usually means big sunglasses to hide the tears and rings from taking far too many drugs.

Of course, the flipside of glamping is those unfortunate sods who turn up at a festival with not much more than a couple of bin-bags on their feet and a tent full of cheap lager. These people, usually found covered head-to-toe in mud and yelling obscenities at the night sky, are not more fun by any stretch of the imagination... but at least they're not pretentious.

So what is the perfect festivalgoer? Well, for my money, it's someone who is there for the music and a good time and doesn't impede anyone else's space or earhole. Sure, get wrecked, but don't act like a dimwitted slackjawed student scumbag. Don't 'glamp' up and hope to get noticed. All eyes should be on the stage shouldn't they? Not some halfwit in a wizard hat... and certainly not someone drinking Pimms.

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